Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Tennisfan]

my wife has been struggling with some health issues and is relying on me a lot especially for lift to her appointments.

How do i look after myself? 

because i am feeling overwhelmed from how much she is relying on me.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Tennisfan 

Sorry to hear your wife is unwell

How do you look after yourself?

Brilliant question. Many find it selfish to look after themselves. In your role, husband, partner and carer you have to.

My friend broke down after helping me for 8 years. It was compassion fatigue.

So the simple answer is you need to find things you do together or apart that gives you both a break from the mental stress of sorting this stressful situation and the bureacracy involved.

I attended a church, went for walks, tge odd meal with my friend.

It was still hard, but not as hard as just sitting around.

It was not always so joyful, but a change of scenery helped distract the mind

Do you have shared or separate interests?

[outlander]

hi @Tennisfan and welcome

its good youve reached out for some support. thats a great first step.

its important to look after yourself when caring for others. i understand your wife is relying on you and clearly she trusts you but easy to understand how that can get overwhelming.
have you considered speaking to your gp about getting a mental health care plan for yourself so that your able to speak to someone for your own mental health?

if your wife is unable to attend appointments herself has she considered acces supports like support workers who are able to pick her up, wait with her in the waiting room and drive her back home?
if this isnt an option, perhaps each appointment you can find something you like to do while shes in the appointment? perhaps going for a walk or going to a nearby cafe for a coffee while shes in the appointment? trying to find something positive to associate with the responsibilities could be beneficial