14th year house bound

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Jacques and @hiddenite

Unfortunately, I couldn't let that post go up because I was concerned that it might be triggering for members to see.

I've checked in with @hiddenite via email to see if she's ok. It is horrible what her treatment said to her. It makes me upset. 

I hope you're ok @hiddenite...

CherryBomb

[Jacques]

Well it is almost 1am my angel, i am too anxious to sleep, i am worried about you, i have really missed you tonight, missed our little chats, the smile you puton my face when we talk.

I do hope we can talk tomorrow, i just hope you are up to it.

My thoughts are with you my friend, always and forever.

Jacques

[Jacques]

morning my angel,

i do hope you are still with us, i am really worried about you, i missed you dearly yesterday.

I could not sleep again last night, i am so exhausted today, i am going to try to do some work in the yard, and try not to sleep through the day, i SH twice last night to try to help, but it did not work, it seems now that sleep is an anxiety trigger now, the second i lay down my heart starts racing and i become so sensitive to sounds, every sound sounds like a jack hammer, i seem to jump at the smallest sound.

Karen can you please just even post with nothing just so i know you are still here.

i miss you Karen, please be kind to yourself and be safe.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Karen, i am sorry to bother you again, but i am getting really worried about your safety, please just leave a blank message to say you are ok

[hiddenite]

Sorry Jacques I've been up all night with, anxiety, flashbacks, and IBS symptoms.

I've only just got out of bed.

I didn't mean to worry you.

I'm sorry you had such a long night too.

Thinking of you Jacques.

Take care

Karen

[Jacques]

Karen, it is alright, please don't appologise, i am shaking with reliefe i have been so worried you might do something silly and leave me alone.

I am sorry you had a bad night too, it makes everything that much more worse, i just finished the mowing i am so exhausted, i really pushed myself today and now i am paying for it, i am going to have a lay down now, i am sorry i wish i could stay up and talk, i have had 2 hours sleep in the past 24 hours.

Karen i am glad you just got out of bed, you sounded like you needed the rest, my angel, i am always here for you, you mean everything to me, i don't know if i could cope without you. 

please be safe, i am just so relieved you are ok, i was really thinking the worst this morning.

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Get some rest Jacques you sound like you need it.

I will be sitting on the end of your bed, holding your hand and keeping you safe.Take care.

Karen

[Jacques]

thank you my angel, i slept so well,  i do hope you are at the park or something.

hope to speak some more when you are up to it.

be safe my angel,

jacques

[hiddenite]

I'm glad you slept well Jacques

The girls have been to bunnings for their craft morning. They have been to the park, and also made cupcakes and decorated them. They have had a good day.

I miss talking to you my friend.

I've been trying to distract by planning a road trip to the gold coast. My husband's parents live there my mum says I should take the girls to see them.

We have never been on a road trip. My daughter's anxiety is so bad. The thought of her in a motel room, different bed and eating somewhere other than home is a huge deal.

Taronga western plains zoo looks like a good place to take them.

I don't know how I would manage one day I would like to be well enough to take them somewhere nice.Anyway just dreaming.....

[Jacques]

OMG The girls sound like they had a fantastic day, i didn't know Bunnings did craft things with the kids, i often see baloons, but i thought they where for decoration, maybe sunday they don't have these things on when i am in their.

I bet they where happy to go to the park and be playing outside, and cupcakes too, wow.

OMG Karen, a road trip, i could not imagine doing on of those again, i just get too anxious.  The goldcoast is a beautiful place, well it was when i used to frequent it back in the mid 90's, maybe it has changed now.

How do the girls travel long distance, i used to and still do get so car sick, mum used to have to give me sleeping stuff for the long drives back to NSW of school hollidays.  Oh yes i think your daughter may struggle, she sounds like me, any upset in the routine makes everything haywire.

How would you cope seeing them again? would you struggle with the memories?

Oh my yes Toronga Western plains Zoo, it is fantastic, i went their on thursday for lunch with mum, we go their every now and again.  it looks small but it is quite big. the gift shop is amazing and it has a very friendly atmosphere. the girls would absoluetly love the zoo.

Karen their is nothing wrong with planning for the future, it may not happen now, but having a plan and a dream never hurt anyone. it is nice to hear you are having some nice dreams, if only day dream ones.