Oscillation between two mind sets

[Zoe7]

Great to have that practice before you present to a larger group @creative_writer Hopefully you can take confidence into that one and crush it ❤️

25 is actually a low number at our school. Next year I think I have 22 but we always have more kids coming in so that could grow. I do love my job - seeing those smiley little faces each day is a joy.

I am off to bed soon Hon - I am extremely tired today. I think it is a combination of all the phone calls and organising this injection with all the ups and downs and frustration, on top of the constant pain. The stronger pain med is helping in the mornings but by mid morning I begin to feel it again. I have also done a lot of sitting today so that does not help. All a bit much tonight so best place is bed and an early night snuggled with my fur babies.

Catch you over the weekend sometime ❤️❤️❤️

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, thank you 💖. Those smiley little faces do make a huge difference. Kids are adorable.

I hope you rest up hon and sleep well🫂. Will catch you on the weekend. Take care of yourself and lots of hugs to your furry little babies 💖💖💖

[Zoe7]

Hey @creative_writer Intrusive thoughts and physical pain are exhausting Hon. Can you do something nice for yourself over this weekend? Self care is so important when we are hit on all sides by any pain.

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, I had a shower in the morning, finally got my hair clean and felt lighter. Was out much of the day, I had an eye check up. I’m a little shortsighted. I didn’t have well rested sleep today, kept waking up this morning, so wasn’t able to sleep in, hopefully today I will. I’m beyond exhausted and I probably didn’t eat enough, but my I haven’t been well. It’s easier to fight off intrusive thoughts when you are doing better physically.

How are you doing, hon? I hope today was kinder to you 💖🫂

[Zoe7]

I am doing okay today @creative_writer I have managed to do a little work in between laying down. It is hard to sit for too long so I have been careful to rest before my back gets too painful. Being home all day also means I have been able to have pain relief meds (and lots of fur baby snuggles😁). Hopefully after Monday the pain will be gone. I know it will not be the end of it all but after 3 months of this any help will be welcomed.

I hope after your busy day and lack of sleep you are resting up tonight Hon. Sending hugs ❤️

[creative_writer]

@Zoe, I’m glad to hear you were able to rest up. I hope you do find the Monday appointment healing. It’s frustrating feeling very limited. I hope tomorrow goes okay for you too💖

I’ve had a busy and tiring day. My mind is becoming too anxious so I think I better sleep soon, the meds have kicked in thankfully. It’s hard you feel like you’ve lost hope in humanity. I feel like I’m better off alone and not trusting anyone. Even my supports are only there since they are being paid to be there

[Zoe7]

Don't lose hope Hon - each day is a new day with new possibilities ❤️

...and if today is hard then look towards tomorrow @creative_writer 

Yes your supports get paid to be there but they also do their job because they believe in it - and that then means they believe in the support you are receiving - and we all need support.

We are also here with you and that is because we want to support you. I know times can be incredibly hard but I also see so much growth and potential in you ❤️ It does take time but little by little you are doing it Hon ...and I am here to keep encouraging you because not only do you matter but you deserve the world.

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, experiencing burn out is so real. I was asked whether I want to go on holiday just after I finish up. I’m like I need at least a full week of rest at home.

I think I’ve learnt to rely on myself over time. I’ve had crappy experiences with others, and my mum’s trust issues have also rubbed onto me too. Sometimes I second guess myself, like I wonder whether seeking help is wisdom or naivety. I can’t afford to be naive or I will get hurt, I must remain guarded. I hold back in therapy because it feels safer. They can’t fully support me, but I have never ever opened up to anyone completely.

I hope you are doing okay today 💖

[Zoe7]

I get you with the rest needed @creative_writer I am the same at the end of the year - need a couple of weeks of doing very little apart from rest. This year is of course going to be different though as I will be doing whatever is needed to get my back right and be able to do more. It is not going to be an overnight fix but I am hoping the injection tomorrow is the beginning of that.

I am very much like you in regards to relying on myself. I have been let down too many times and that takes a toll. As for support and opening up - it is definitely harder when you have lost trust in anything. There are things I still cannot talk about but I also don't need to. I can pinpoint the exact day things started to turn around for me and that was a day I was in tears at my doctor's. I had come from a psych appointment and was so re-traumatised that I could have ended it there and then. My GP contacted my pdoc and they both decided for me that trauma therapy had to stop (and I very much agreed). I had to completely have that decision taken out of my hands but I also felt that I not only had support but I also trusted these two. That too was a major turning point in my life as for the first time in my life I could allow others to make decisions on my behalf and know that I could rely on them. I, of course, do not need that now but knowing that support is there if I ever need it again actually helps me when times are tough.