Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[NatureLover]

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@Former-Member wrote:

I did need professional support and was grateful for the carer support worker from Wellways who visited me along with attending their "Building a future" snapshot class, the short term counseling from Carers Australia and the longer term counseling provided by a rural support network. My GP at the time too was lovely. I was also grateful to 2 of Mr Darcy's pdocs who gave me some advice which I followed up on.

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@Former-Member  That's good to hear you had such good support, and not just professional, at that time. 🙂

The Carers Australia website and services do look fantastic.

[Smc]

@NatureLover, it becomes kind of weird. We make adjustments to keep up some level of coping, but they happen gradually, and every now and then we get reminders of how far our life has moved away from what most people would consider "normal".

We've both ended up having to stop working (both were self-employed creatives, kept trying to continue until it became obviously impossible) and having to apply for DSP was a real challenge. So theoretically, the DSP payments we're getting are for anxiety/depression style disorders... mostly because Centrelink's categories don't recognise "carer burnout" as a disabling thing??? The process of applying was a huge wake-up to how far we'd moved.

And there's so many other things that get put on hold. House maintenance and renovation (badly needed- the house is really run down, but we own it outright, so at least it's a secure roof over our heads). Ordinary house and yardwork is a struggle to keep on top of. I've got parents in aged care, and it's been several years since they moved in. Still trying to empty their house in little grabs between everything happening here.

Which all sounds bleak, but in the middle of it we still try to find the little achievements and little joys. That's one of the purposes of the garden. Even one square foot weeded and planted with some flowers or vegs is a result, and the return from the work put in is often disproportionately generous. It's a place where the focus is on life and abundance and purpose. I'm guessing from your forum tag that you probably get that. 🙂

[Shaz51]

Hello @Smc , @Former-Member , @NatureLover , @Former-Member , @FindingStrength , @Faith-and-Hope , @Determined 

Support options checklist

1)   How do your cultural, financial or spiritual needs influence the kind of support most helpful for you?

2)   You’ll receive a lot of well-meant information and advice from others.

Take control of all these snippets by dividing them by what is ‘useful right now’, ‘interesting but not useful, or ‘thoughts for the future’.

3)    Make strategies for getting through the bad days. Going for a walk, calling a friend, writing down your thoughts, or just practicing some self-compassion can help.

I have found these options really good to have  in place for the now and the future ,

to adjust things in our lives to make it peaceful 

We have made the home emvironment somewhere where we can feel safe 

we have worked out how much we need to live on as we are self employed  and to ease the anxiety 

Carers Hints and tips to Success 

8 dimensions of wellness 

[Shaz51]

From the You are not alone resources

1)   When you are supporting someone who has attempted suicide, it can sometimes feel like there is no visible end point to the hard times, but you won’t always be faced with crisis.

this is a very true comment , You do not know what is going to happen tomorrow , always won`t be in the crisis mode 

like my mum says " It will Pass "

@Former-Member, @Smc , @NatureLover , @Former-Member , @FindingStrength , @Appleblossom , @Faith-and-Hope , @Maggie 

[Shaz51]

from the You are not alone resourses

2)    Accepting the ups and downs of hope, hopelessness and hope again can enhance your wellbeing. Feelings pass, and your hope will return.

Yes when our love ones have lots of ups and downs nearly every day , just being there for them  and sometimes I have sat next to my mr shaz all afternoon in front of tv 

while you can see things that need to be done , but i have learnt and still learning that the things will be there later 

@Former-Member, @Smc , @NatureLover , @Former-Member , @FindingStrength , @Scoo , @Sophie1 , @outlander , @Maggie 

[Shaz51]

From the You are not alone resourses

3)   The stress of caring for someone in this situation is real and it’s okay to talk about it.

Find people who allow you to discuss your thoughts and feelings honestly and without judgement. Connect with people who have had the same experience.

ammm this one is hard @Former-Member 

as I can`t talk to my family or mr shaz`s family about this , and mr shaz does not want me to talk to others about things 

that why I find the Sane forum is a good place to let it go 

My inlaws, SIL`s all have inherited depression , so has my 4 step children in some degree and no one talks about it , it is sad in some ways , they have learnt down the generations that you just get up and keep going 

But over the years mr shaz and I are now able to talk about things and work together 

it is sad that my husband went through soo much by himself for years before marriying me 

@Former-Member, @Smc , @NatureLover , @Former-Member , @FindingStrength , @Maggie 

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for the invite @Shaz51

I got a lot out of the 8 dimensions of wellness. @Former-Member Hearing you about the need for the person struggling with SI to see evidence that the carer is onside.

I wonder about the discreteness issue. It is important. I was brought up not to let one hand know when the other gives. Life can become difficult if we are too discrete and erase ourselves. 

@Smc  I found your post very real and could relate. Your gradual reveals in a stable and reasonably caring social environment, is a great outcome.  There would have been a lot of conditions and effort to make it come together.

It is important to distinguish all those aspects of self harm, suicidal ideation and actions. 

It is important to recognise that for some it is a repetitive ongoing trauma.  I know those feelings about dealing with crisis whilst having to keep the daily normal life going on for children.  Really Hard.

Whilst managing families in crisis, as an attempt, it is probably not helpful to mix the groups of people who are dealing with completed suicide.  If there is hope that needs to be nurtured, the fear and awareness of the possibility ... is heightened.  Yes it all needs to be talked about ... but the how .... makes so much difference. I remember a lot of the  ... but they actually did it .. etc ...

Groups can help, but also the wrong ideas can be spread in groups, so "sharing" is not an automatic miracle cure. Sharing can be good but moral support and Solutions need to be found. That happened a little with both my siblings. My brother told me of his shock at what others were doing when he was in Mont Park at 19, but then in time he was doing it. 

If a psychological wound is opened for discussion or therapy, the issues needs to be closed properly. Lots more work needs to be done about good protocols for trauma work.  It will usually take more than an hour, even if as I have often done, the client reassures the counsellor that they will be alright.

Stigma is a big useless destructive waste of everybody's time, but its around, and in the MH services, as I sadly found with my last psychologist. 

@Former-Member  I think there are many great things about this resource, but I am not sure about the name.  It is making a statement about the reader, the carer, the "you" that is too definitive and may not be true, so may be tend towards misinformation. Personally I find it a bit triggering.  The statement does not make it fact. 

I could not get onto the site due to computer issues, so I am glad this thread was open for a few days to allow for people to post when they can.  If the window of opportunity is too small, I wonder about the people who stumble upon the threads ... later.... sometimes its fine .. they can still get something from reading etc ... but sometimes it is too late.

I wanted to welcome the newer people, but feel I am not the best person to do that right now. I dont want my mood to negatively impact others. Hope my optimism kicks in soon.  Picking up car from service so a long walk. I will be fine.  I have support services in place now, but it has been a long time coming.

I have the desire, logic and knowledge of how to manage in my caring role for my son, but the intergenerational issues are still present.

[Shaz51]

hello and welcome @Zanylady 

wonderful to see you my @Appleblossom 

yes i agree 

and too @Former-Member , can we keep this thread open and not close it after this week xx

[Zanylady]

It’s not knowing what’s going to happen next that is really hard to cope with

[Zanylady]

The garden is a great release for many people. Also craft, creative Or music hobbies are helpful. I miss my old life when things were normal.