Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Ramman]

I have 2 teen daughters as a sole parent. Both kids have significant mental health issues.  It's so draining, exhausting, 

I wish I was better at caring for them.  I feel so inadequate.

[Jynx]

Hey @Ramman welcome to the forums, glad to have you with us. I'm sorry to hear that things are so challenging for you at the moment, and being a sole parent makes it all that much harder too. Do your daughters have mental health support at the moment? What about you yourself? You don't deserve to have to hold everything together by yourself. 

[Ramman]

Yes both teens have mental health support.  Both have  seeing psychologicalsts weekly for over a year.

I see someone every month to discuss life/ divorce.

No one said it's about what's deserved.  It's about helping them. Without letting them down 

[tyme]

I wonder if it's just for them to know that you care and you love them? @Ramman 

It sounds like you are doing what you can. Yet mental health can be very tricky. As much as we love our kids, sometimes we can't 'fix' what's going on for them. This is not because you have failed, or that you are not a good parent, but rather, everyone has their own way and on journey.

I glad you hear you have some supports and your teens have supports.

I take my hat off to any parent of teens. It's not easy at all.

Tell yourself you are doing the best you can. Go slow and remind them how much you care and love them.

At the same time, allow yourself to heal. Good on you for reaching out here. That is certainly a step forward.

We are here for you.

[Ramman]

Thanks @tyme 

I know I am doing my best.  But sometimes it's feels not good enough. 

When they have the 'sad-sads' and can't distract them, saftey plans used to no avail.  The after hours help line may work mostly doesn't and then its hospital. They feed off each other in unhealthy ways and other times support each other.   Just hate not being able to emotionally connect and support them. Today one didn't get out bed noon; ate 1/2 cup feed rice avoiding the vegetables, and a PRN medication because she was about go down a very slippery pole, and then maccas for dinner.   She was sad and  nothing was making her have hope that she can do anything- her perfectionism is an anchor around her neck; and nothing is helping her deal with it and is extremely disassociated.  The other teen has refused medication today because she found out that one different medication which she has had for 2 weeks may increase weight gain.  So now she quitting all medication  - regardless of the withdrawal warnings that I, therapist  and psychiatrist warned her of.   They know I can only support with 1 sad child at a time and they time share. 

It's so hard to be the perfect parent/ psych nurse for them all equally  unequivocally, looking after each's others needs, desires and fears.  I am sorry for my sad tale; just need a vent and to pray for strength 

[fern7]

Raising children is difficult and on your own I can imagine could be isolating at times. 

Parents can be terribly hard on ourselves, parenting a teen myself with mental illness,

Remember to be kind to yourself we all make mistakes or could be more patient more wonderfully resourceful, we do our best with what we have got inside and outside to support us at the time. Sending you support 

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Ramman 

I just wanted to send you a few words of support and also wish you the strength that you clearly have in spades. Sometimes it ebbs and flows, but I know you are fighting for your teens and the future. 

Don't forget to have a laugh, if you can. The years will fly by soon enough, you will win through. Do you have a good comedy movie you could watch for yourself now? 

[Ramman]

Good idea for something to have a laugh with.  I can't think of any comedy movies that make me laugh lots, but I look out for something.