I need to reconnect

[Whim]

Hi all,

Well..... I tend to find myself sitting at my laptop accessing this forum when things are low, and I need help, and I need to know I'm not alone. I imagine for some of you it is the same....

The reality is, while I am 'okay' I don't come to this site. I struggle but I don't need to return to this fold of soft feathers that is 'saneforums' for me. And so now here I am. I almost feel like a fraud, because kind, kind, kind souls have responded to my previous posts but I've been too low to reply. I'm here again in this pit that I've slowly slipped back into while trying to claw myself out of the last version of the same soil, and here I am, ranting, knowing SOMEONE will hear me.

I'm doing ALL the wrong things. I'm drinking, I'm smoking, I'm taking pills to help me sleep. I'm depressed beyond the help of my medication. I can't stop my mind. 

I just spent some time thinking about deleting this. I won't as I hope it shows others that you can simply rant and talk poo and still be understood. For new users and old of 'saneforums', please continue to connect, if it helps, which I'm certain it can.

[Former-Member]

Good on you @Whim. It takes a lot of courage to post how you really feel... even more to reconnect after some time away. I think you're amazing 🙂

If there's anyone in particular you wish to reconnect with, don't forget you can tag them to let them know you're around by typing the "@" symbol and their username.

I really hope you get the support and connections you're looking for. Welcome back 🙂 

[Former-Member]

Hello @Whim

I was thinking about that topic the other day. Being 'alone' with my thoughts and living with a illness. I had said in my mind ' I feel so alone'. I have support services and 2 forum sites online. I am like you and drink, smoke, eat too much lol . I take medications. It all helps me. At times I feel alone and think that I am not going to make it...not sure what that means tho it conjures up the sparsley used word 'suicide'. In all I think to myself ...'I feel alone because no one understands how I feel, think and dream.' It is a moment to moment thing for me the thought of feeling alone. When my mind is chaotic I feel alone. When my anxiety level rises I feel alone. There are ways for me to deal with anxiety and I do that and it helps and the anxiety reduces. The lonely feeling dissipates (spelling is bad lol). My pyschologist is teaching me to 'be comfortable with the feeling' ....like? any feeling. Colour it, shape it, texture it and recognise that it is a feeling within my body. Also for me to do grounding ....like? name 5 objects in the room, 5 sounds, 5 colours and OR look at my hands and legs. It is for me about expanding my awareness. Although I feel 'lonely' I can learn to be comfortable with it and ground myself where I am. I use to think I have to get rid of these negative feelings like extract them. I am trying this way because the pyschologist made me realise the 'feeling' is smaller than me, a part of me but smaller. I use to feel consumed by feeling 'lonely' but now I use this and yeah it helps. I am not sure what I want others to say and do to alleviate this lonely feeling. I can't fit everyone in my head lol Stay well....

[Former-Member]

Hi there @Whim,

I think what you have just shared is also how a lot of other forums users feel and it's really helpful to share that as it allows others to know they are not alone in feeling that way. The forums are there for you to gain support when you are not coping well but they are also a really important platform for others to read through experiences and know that others are also experiencing those same feelings of lowness.

I really like what @Former-Member wrote about being okay with not feeling good, I think it's an important thing to learn that it's helpful to feel low and to give your body a break, to preserve your energy, to see the dangers in certain behavours, who knows but there are numerous benefits of withdrawing from people.

Here for you @Whim,

Lunar 🙂

[Kurra]

Hi @Whim

Welcome back but I'm sad that you're feeling so awful. I also have less inclination to log in when I'm well but then I think of all the people here who have supported me so much during difficult phases.
This helps me to realise that I too can support others during the tough times.
Paying back in kind.
Do keep in regular touch with us particularly when your world is so dark.

Here for you. Hugzzz 💕 🎶

[Kurra]

Thinking about you @Whim. How are you going?
Hugzzz 💕 🎶