Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away

[PeppiPatty]

It's you and me @Former-Member

Love your name .....

I've been trying to  get back to my Psychotherapist....The past year has been confronting....

I thought I don't have the strength or stanima or something......... to feel or get what I want done because of memories in the past...

So I thought I would go to the libary and purchase a scrapbook from Target and start putting in pictures and quotes in 

and start a gratitude journal. I have copied out a site about how to start one up here

Hope that my ideas will matbe inspire you......

Hope you sleep well ,

PP

[Former-Member]

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@Simack wrote:
Hi @PeppiPatty

This is my situation, I was prescribed an antipsychotic by my psychiatrist, off label for social anxiety about a year ago, at first it helped, but I soon developed serious side effects. After a while of pleading with him we finally agreed to discontinue it, he told me it should be fine to "just stop taking it"... It wasn't, I was struck down with complete insomnia, extreme anxiety and ocd panic, things I've never experienced before. My psychiatrist refuses to believe that it was withdrawal, saying instead it was a reemergence of underlying issues.... He switched me to another antipsychotic which I'm trying to very slowly taper off. I'm still suffering from protracted withdrawal syndrome, plus side effects from the new medication, it's been ten months now, it's hell. Apparently this causes instability of the autonomic nervous system, it's like being constantly stuck in fight or flight mode, and can take years to resolve if ever.... I don't want to end my life but I can't live with this medication induced living nightmare for years, either

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Hello dear Simack,

My heart goes out to you. I have suffered same - withdrawal and damage from a major tranquilliser that has now been banned! You should never of been given such strong meds for social anxiety (confidence building, psychotherapy helps here) - and going off such meds "Cold turkey" can be dangerous. Your situation has happened because of your psychs incompetence. You were right - your suffering is due to the withdrawal/side effects incurred by the previous med and possibly together with the withdrawal/side effects off the present one (wean very slowly).  I strongly suggest seeking a second professional opinion and help with these side effects/damage.

Dont despair as although it can take a couple years to heal - heal you will! I know the hell you are going through (made worse by lack of sleep) - how the suffering made me want to end it all as well, but I promise you it does pass. Don't doubt this and don't give up. After a year you will start to notice improvements until eventually you start having more good days than not.

A "short term course" of a mild anti-depressant could offer you relief by promoting healing sleep and easing your anxiety and current withdrawal ; then after about 6mths to a year of being on them you then can slowly wean off without problems (long term use of ADs can present its own side effects so it's important to treat them as a short term measure as they were intended for). Talking to another health professional about this may help you now.

That is what I did and I am completely healed of the damage (took approx 2 yrs but you don't need to suffer that long doing the latter and what will be suggested at the end of this post).  Such drug reactions also puts the synapses in the brain out of alignment -  that produces the relentless anxiety and prevents the brain from experiencing joy/pleasure - that is what takes the time to heal but it will!!! Abstaining from alcohol, nicotine or any type of drugs (except ADs), keeping the mind and body very active to distract, drinking lots of water, eating well, holding onto hope and thinking positively believing you will get better (seeing a brighter future) - this will all enhance quicker healing. 

Hold onto hope my friend as you will get better doing the above, I promise you. You will get your life back. Don't give up. Sending you warm hugs xxx

[mrkotter]

I just need to get this out. 

This idiot at work is really getting on my nerves. Not only did he mess* up a major project his attitude just stinks. He's meant to do research and to support us. Getting him to do anything is nearly impossible and when it is done you can't trust its accuracy. Guess I'm doing my own research then on stuff that he should just have ready. 

Then he keeps inviting me to work events outside of work hours. That's really not so much a problem - it's my job but he doesn't tell me anything about it even though I ask, repeatedly. Does my boss know either? And I guess yes it is outside of hours. I already pull 50 hour weeks so if this isn't important you can duck* right off. 

And when the senior manager of the area calls you Mr Clusterfuck in front of staff when will he figure out that he needs to find a new job?

*you may substitute this with another four letter word of your choosing.

[Former-Member]

There's one in every office @mrkotter.  And when they leave it creates a sort of vacuum that only gets filled when another arrives.

Hope it helped to offload a bit 🙂 

[mrkotter]

@Former-Member I guess I'm just getting tired too. Thankfully the boss has given me Friday off in lieu. Which is great. 

The other thing that worries me is my psychologist is telling me that working the hours I'm working is risky. I can't remember the last time I worked less than 45 hours and even this week with a day off I should still crack 40 hours. The rest of my July looks like a disaster zone with one trip to Melbourne confirmed for a conference and I'll probably have to go down again after that for a meeting to negotiate on a service contract. One huge paper on the go that is really technical, I'm involved in organising a conference as well. Then there is just the random stuff that comes in week to week. Oh and the meetings, some reasonably difficult ones as well.

I can see her point but I'm not ready to accept there is a problem. I just enjoy the work so much. I love being under pressure in the workplace, its just so much fun for me. Is that weird? I spent years staring blankly at a computer screen not able to comprehend the simplest things. Now that I'm achieving and am being given the opportunity to direct where projects should go I feel this real sense of achievement. And this is something I've wanted for a long time.

But being sick again would suck. Really suck. I dunno this ties into a self-worth problem I have as well. Something along the lines if I don't work hard my boss won't like me. My psychologist had some choice words about this one. 

And then there's the problem that doing all this is affecting what else I can do. I have little time for the other things in life, which are arguably more important.

At some level I can see, at a logical level, that yes this is a problem and it poses a real risk to my health. She says to have a think about it. We are chatting next week. Maybe a few days will give me some clarity but at the moment I don't see that I have a problem. I can only see the upside of my work. And they are taking care of me in terms of development and opportunities.

Probably shouldn't ask for this but any words of reassurance would be very much appreciated.

[Former-Member]

Your psych might have a point @mrkotter.  Whenever I've reached a place where work is all consuming, the balance in my life has gone, and I'm bone tired, it's never ended well. 

A great job is a wonderful thing - particularly as the sense of achievement you're getting from it is really tangible and reasonably new.  But it's hard to safe-guard our health and well-being when we're too tired or pushed for time for anything else. 

Perhaps it's just about edging back a little. Nothing extreme.  Having Friday off is a great start.  Find a few ways to get life back in balance.  And if you find you're too tired to do that - drinks with a friend or whatever it is - then you know that you really do need to cut back a bit.

I did some long-term damage to my health through over-work.  If I knew then what I know now....

Just remember to avoid thinking in extremes. It's rarely all or nothing.

[mrkotter]

@Former-Member Psychologist does have a point. I just don't see it. Maybe logically I do see that yes someone like me could be facing a problem but I don't believeI do. Or maybe I don't want to accept it. It's something to think about and we'll come back to it next week.

Totally forgot that it's not black or white 

Thanks Suzanne, appreciate it.

P.s. your point on 'all or nothing' reminded me about Pennywise. I'll be listening to that song all day tomorrow.

[Former-Member]

I'm worried that I'll never be able to move on in life with my personality disorders. I'm worried that they own me. I'm worried that I'm so over sensitive I'll never be able to fit in anywhere without making a mess of everything. I'm worried that I won't be able to handle the real world. I'm worried that I never find middle ground for anything. 😔😣😢

[Former-Member]

I'm scared to talk to my psychiatrist. I'm scared of what he will think and say. I'm worried that I'm a bad person. I'm worried that I should be dead. I'm worried I'll continue to be sick for the rest of my life. I think I'm a bad person. I'm not good enough to be real. I'm not a whole person. I'm bad and broken.
I don't know how to say this to my doctor. I'm scared of what he might say or do. I don't want to tell him I'm suicidal. I just want this to stop.

[Zahlia]

Hi Bec,

I've just sent you an email to check in with you. It sounds like it must be so overwhelming having all of these thoughts, and exhausting. 

I want to check whether you are safe today/tonight?
It's really important to try talk to someone about what your thinking and feeling, even if it is a crisis support service. 
If you need some help now, you can contact

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

Take care Bec and let us know you are safe

Zahlia